i will save it for always.
we continue to adjust to newborn hood. it’s true, we never realized what we were missing til we met her. 🙂 my uncle and aunt sent her a sweet book called “the night you were born.” if you haven’t read it, get it. it’s so sweet and special.
and it’s true for you too.
a good friend of mine told me that babies practice all the sounds of all the languages in the world in their first few months, and then they settle on the ones they hear most frequently. so i’m giving her a good خ (kh) now and again, so hopefully that letter will be easier for her someday.
she’s also attending the french class i’m teaching at the homeschool co-op, which is fun.
in other, non-baby news, i walked 3 times this week, in preparation for in two weeks when i can start running again. i’ve missed running. i actually find walking a little harder than running in some ways. it’s tough to go slow. i always kind of feel like a boss when i run.
i’m dabbling back into work also, and it’s going okay. the advocacy world doesn’t stop when you’re on maternity leave, so sometimes it’s a little overwhelming to pop in. but i’m getting an assistant soon, and she’ll be helpful, i’m sure.
we have dear friends coming to visit this weekend and another set next weekend. we’re so excited, we love visitors. aaand, that also means play. and we like to play. a lot.
i had a baby! 🙂
and it was great. wicked hard, but that’s why they call it labor. it was exactly what i wanted, water birth and all. there was this realization post birth that in labor, i was in this cocoon between my husband and our doula. and it was easily the safest place i’ve ever been, even though it was the hardest emotionally and physically.
we were built for intimacy and community in the middle of our pain. don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise.
baby girl is doing well, adjusting to the outside. after all that waiting, it’s funny, i read today on her newborn report that she actually scored more like a baby at 39 weeks gestation, even though by the calendar i was 41 weeks pregnant. so that’ll teach me to watch a calendar. not that i’ll need to again. i’m good.
she’s the sweetest angel and i love her so much. her big sister e is completely enamored. so much so that i was pretty grateful that school started back today, just so i didn’t have to have so much “help.” 🙂 really, though, e loves being a big sister. we’re sure that the newness will eventually wear off, but for now, we let her pick out t’s clothes and hold her whenever possible. i’m still not sure that e realizes t isn’t actually a doll.
t’s due to wake up any minute now, so i will close with a picture. that’s what you were hoping for anyway.
it said something like, “I hope when i come back to your blog you have something more interesting to say besides whining to get attention.”
spammers are getting smarter. and this post is not much more interesting than the last. sorry to disappoint you spammer-dude.
still preggers. it’s been a good week off. we had a quiet christmas that was mostly the 3 of us, with a visit from dear friends for a viewing of the lorax. we’ve seen that movie so many times, but we love it and it’s so good. and it makes me cry every time. seriously, care people. care about the trees and the planet. soap box over.
speaking of caring for the planet, i’m going to give cloth diapering a go. i’m a little nervous. it’s kinda intimidating. i wanted to because of all the other stuff we do for the planet, like the 6 boxes of worms in my basement for eating our trash (anybody want some worms?? the expression should be breeding like worms instead of rabbits…just sayin’) and composting and recycling and re-using and buying used instead of new as much as possible, etc. it seemed like a no-brainer that if we bring another kid in, we should do it as greenly as possible.
and i have lots of friends who have managed well, some with kids in daycare even. so surely it can’t be that bad.
maybe. i’ll have to get back to you on that one.
i had a prenatal visit today. 80% eff, loads of braxton hicks, nausea, general ucky-ness. i’m hoping that all those signs point to imminent
and it’s going to be okay. all of it. and us. you, me, everybody.
around this time last year i posted this about holding new babies and how hopeful they are. and this year, i get to hold my own hopeful newbie. that’s very exciting. and definitely worth waiting for…as if i have any other options. 🙂
today is the first day of thanksgiving break and it’s 11:37 a.m. and i’ve already spent way too much time on pinterest. and i read this post which made me promptly stop surfing pinterest.
i’m exhausted. mentally, emotionally, and physically. some of it’s preggers-world, some of it’s disappointment, some of it’s just plain ole life is really shitty sometimes and when you take time to notice what that means it makes you sad, like soul sad.
we are heading out of town the first week of december, for a retreat. and while it’s getting close to my due date, i feel like this week is going to be pivotal. i’m excited and anxious for t to come, but i am also deeply aware that i need to rest. soul rest.
so there. soul rest is on the way.
i’ve been thinking a lot about the upcoming birth. trying to do a natural birth after an induction and epidural is a little bit intimidating. i am more aware of what labor feels like (though induced labor is much faster and harder than natural labor, i’m told anyway). but i had this dream last night where we were two weeks out from my due date and kyle got arrested for stealing (and also driving drunk) and i was pleading with the officer to just figure out a way to let him not go to jail until after the birth, because i really didn’t want to do it by myself.
that’s easy enough to interpret.
in any case, i am pondering and meditating on all those things. i’m still trying to get my hands on the blasted book we need to read for our doula. found it at the library….completely forgot to actually pick it up before leaving for nc.
when i stop taking care of other people for just a few minutes and think about caring for myself, i notice the tension in my shoulders and the acid in my belly and how sometimes self-care is the hardest thing in the world for me to do. and also the most crucial.
i think i’m going to the y when i get back to k-town. not to swim, but to float. i think some floating would really do me good.
i didn’t mean to turn this into a pregnancy blog. but that’s what’s happening in my world, and if you write about what you know, i suppose that means you write also about what’s right in front of you.
i realized a week or so ago that i haven’t taken any belly shots of this pregnancy. which is really not a reflection of anything except sheer busyness. mostly. i know it’s not true, but the pervasive feeling that you’re swelling up the size of a walrus is pretty discouraging some times. even though it’s beautiful, and i never fail to see other pregnant women as lovely and beautiful. especially with those big round bellies!
so, here it is, a bit late, but not never, a belly shot. not half bad. 28 weeks and counting.
we’ve been in small town hendersonville all week–side note, the news here is soooo boring. we decided that you can either have lots of externally crazy people (and therefore interesting news) or lots of quiet internally crazy people (and therefore boring news). we’re hoping to head back saturday. it’s been sad, for sure this week. the dr is pretty confident that it was a stroke, but the mri will confirm all of that on monday. there’s been mowing and moving furniture and cooking and making meals, lots of just answering the phone and receiving people’s sympathy and well wishes. don’t get me wrong, getting lots of phone calls is sweet and it’s good to know so many people care, aaand sometimes i too get peopled out.
last night at dinner, i actually got up and started doing the dishes because the conversation at the table was kind of infuriating. this is okay. i am an extravert, but, recently, i was reading about personality types (here if you’re interested) and one of the things that i was surprised by is that my personality type (ENFP) functions primarily in extraverted intuition and secondarily in introverted feeling. all of those times when i thought i was a little crazy for being an extravert who needed to process my feelings alone, i now realize were perfectly normal.
i already knew about the different types, but seeing the idea that each type comes with its own unique leading was really fascinating to me. for example, my darling k is an ISTJ:As an ISTJ, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you take things in via your five senses in a literal, concrete fashion. Your secondary mode is external, where you deal with things rationally and logically.
so, doesn’t that sound like a blast? me extraverted intuiting all over the place while he’s internally trying to process information 5 different ways? then i’m all “i gotta go somewhere quiet to feel this” and he’s going on out loud about how we need to just be rational (i.e. not emotional!)
opposites may attract, but they’re either colorful or exploding….or sometimes both.
anyway, all of that to say that i differ slightly (….ok, more than slightly) in political opinions from my in-laws, and every time i feel us going near that conversation, i have to back up because, in my opinion, there are no political solutions, and if there were, they’d involve loving and caring for the poor instead of isolating and rejecting them.
ever notice that people who are most vehemently against gay marriage don’t have any gay friends? or people who protest abortion but have never worked in a pregnancy care center or provided housing or mentorship or care for someone who’s struggling with whether or not to terminate a pregnancy?
when i was teaching in public school, i had a student come to me in tears because at 15, she’d gotten pregnant. she asked me for advice. legally, i was bound by the school system to tell her “abstinence”–technically it was the only thing we were allowed to say about sex. i broke the rules and listened to her and talked gently. i helped her get an appt with the school nurse and we sat down together to talk about what she needed to do.
in the end, she decided to get an abortion. i was heartbroken, because for the previous two years, k and i had been trying unsuccessfully to get pregnant. i wanted so badly to raise that little baby. but it was her decision and she knew all of her options. seven years later, i sometimes wonder about her and her decision. i don’t know if she regrets it or not or what the emotional impact has been for her. but i know that i walked with her. i listened. and while i wish she’d made a different decision, i believe wholeheartedly that i cannot judge her because i was not in her shoes. i have no idea what i would have done if faced with everything she was facing. i’d like to tell you that i wouldn’t have gotten an abortion, but when i was 15, i was really emotional and spastic. and if i had grown up in her family, with her circumstances, i might have come to the same conclusion.
and if we’re honest, our issues about all these current political scenes have nothing to do with the actual reality. because facing the actual reality would mean that we are facing our own personal obsession with greed and fear. if we were able to let go of our fear long enough to love, we might just find that it is us who makes the world a better place, not one particular guy in a particular house in a particular city. we might stop hating. we might discover that love really can change the world. we might realize our own potential and seek to grow instead of suppress anyone who doesn’t look/act/think/talk like us.
on a side note: i found out the month after that student came to me that i was pregnant with e. changed my life and continues to everyday.