a time to . . .

Listen carefully. to create. to move on. to wait. to still. to be. to hold. to let go. to cry.

and I’m particularly gifted at crying. Less so at letting go, but someday.

I made this leeeetle hat and I’ve decided that it’s ears on top of the hat. Special ears that hear what is really happening. So even if someone couldn’t talk, if you wore this hat, you’d understand them. Or if someone was saying nice things, you could understand their hearts and know what was most true about your relationship with them.

Most importantly, the hat’s magical powers would bring into harmony all the sounds of the world so you could hear the music playing all around.

Happy Mother’s Day

I’m snuggled up with my littlest bean in the rocking recliner. Best gift for Mother’s Day ever.

I’m thinking a lot lately about health. I started running a few years ago because I wanted to lose weight and like myself. But recently after my mom developed diabetes and getting to know my father who also has diabetes, I keep thinking how serious this is. I’m only in my early thirties, but now is the time to deal with it so that when I’m in my early fifties I can be going strong and globe trekking.

So…here’s to being healthy moms. So our kids see us taking care of ourselves and learn to do the same.

ready . . .

or not . . . here it comes!

summer!!!  so excited.  even though i still work through the summers (makes me miss my public school teaching days a little), it’s a more relaxed schedule.  there’s the kids’ fun funday-ness, soccer camps, a trip to space camp maybe?  fireflies, the beach, and all the sunshine i can stand.

i realized this morning that there are so many things that have happened in the last 4 months.  so so so many.  and while some of them were painful and hard, all of them have been productive.  in my soul, that is.

so here i am, last day of april, open handed for what’s next.  it’s going to be good i’m sure.

 

newsies

it’s spring break!!!

but apparently the weather didn’t get the memo, because it’s freezing, and yesterday was so snowy.

anyhooo….we’re doing okay.  running is going.  had 9 min 31 sec mile and a half the other day which is fantastic.   i forget which writer said that he hated writing but loved to have written.  in some ways, running is like that for me.  it can be hard to make myself go, but then once i do, i feel so much better.  my heart hurts in that good way of having worked it the way it’s meant to be worked.

i got a fancy camera, way, way above my pay grade.  i keep saying that but likely if i keep practicing and take a class or two, maybe my pay will go up to match the camera?  i doubt it.  i work in non-profit land.

anyway, we used some tax return funds and found a great camera on craigslist and it’s so nice.  i got it for taking video (it takes HD video!) and for making videos which is one of my favorite parts of my job.  so i’ve been taking lots of pictures and videos and putting them together for presentations and it’s great.  i’ve always been mildly interested in photography, but up until now, it’s been for other people.  i didn’t think i could ever take any good pictures.  they say if you want to make good art, you have to make lots of bad art first.  so that’s been my motto.  and boy have i taken some bad pictures.

anyway, i’m posting a lot of the pictures over here, because it’s easier than posting to wordpress.  fyi.

baby girl is growing so big.  she’s at the 95% for her height and 90% for weight.  breastmilk agrees quite well with her.  she’s having more and more alert time and so that’s really fun.  she’s not quite got the hang of sucking on her hands yet, but she’s so excited to notice them.  everyday she thrusts a fist in the air and stares at it like it’s the 10th wonder of the world.  she’s a sweetie.

today, k & i are installing a ceiling fan in our bedroom and rearranging the bedroom.  super excited about that.  i love moving furniture, but our bedroom stuff is a little too heavy for me to do on my own.

we have a busy weekend ahead, a play friday night with gramps & lulu, a weekend at gram & pop’s and then we’re right back into the thick of things here.

which is just where i like to be.

it’s been a while, i know…

the deal is that life feels pretty complicated these days. and also really simple.*

we gave up TV for lent, and it’s been good, but also kind of maddening. i keep getting those damn redbox codes and thinking “Oh, a movie would be great!” and then as i’m dialing ky to see what he wants to watch, i remember. nope. tonight’s especially hard, because i’m feeling a little emotional, and i’d like nothing more than to just plop in front of grey’s anatomy** with a cup of hot chocolate and cry. it’s easier to cry about fake stories on tv than to cry about how i feel.

i’m tired even though i napped today.  perhaps it’s my body trying to catch up on the last two months.

two months!! did you hear that?  it’s been two months already!  can you believe it?  i can’t.  she’s a sweetheart through and through.  and she’s gotten quite smiley in the last lil’ bit and it’s just the right time too.  when you’re exhausted from nursing and being up in the night, then she smiles and you think, “oh! i can do this!”

i started running again, started back to work. both are good, both are what i need to be doing, desperately. but there are some moments where what i most want is to just be alone and not do anything. but then when i am alone and not doing anything (read: right now), i feel lonely and can’t wait until i’m doing something again. ***

gah. i’m so whiny tonight and it’s silly. this time in t’s life will never come again, and yet i still wonder when i’ll get to do life again (two handed!). even though, of course, i am doing what is most essential.

i’ve felt pretty even most days during this postpartum season, the dreaded 4th trimester. but now and then, i find myself weepy for no reason.

the deal is that life is hard, post-baby, post-loss, post-pretty-much-everyone’s-got-something. but in the end i have to hope that we’ll all be okay. everyone will be okay.

*i am so cheesy. but when i’m tired, i get all philosophical cheese which is reaaaallly bad.

**i just looked it up and it’s a re-run. temptation over. only God can judge me –Tupac

***i might actually be the little prince’s drunkard.

A blog to change the world

My daughter is five weeks old today.  Her dark eyes and hair stand out in sharp contrast to her older sister’s fair coloring and ocean blue eyes.  To say the least, we are all quite in love.

And she is going to be my introverted thinker, I believe.  She quietly takes the world in, bit by bit.  She rarely gets upset about anything (unlike her older sister who screamed most of her first six weeks of life).  But little T does have her limits.  When she is hungry, there is no polite “may I have a nibble?”  She goes from zero to unglued in 2.5 seconds.  And since she is breastfed, there are times that she simply has to wait, even though it seems like the end of the world to her.

We were driving home from the grocery store yesterday when she got hungry.  She proceeded to let us all know about it.  Loudly.  Even though we were literally only three minutes from home, it was heartbreaking for this momma to watch her little one express hunger and know that there was nothing I could do to ease her frustration and pain until the car was safely parked.

Of course, we arrived home in one piece, and she was promptly fed.  All was well.

But the experience led me to think about all the babies in the world, breastfed and otherwise, whose mommas can’t guarantee that they’ll be fed when they are hungry.

In France during World War II, many women found themselves pregnant after being raped or seduced by German soldiers.  Once the Germans were kicked out, these women were publicly shamed and outcast.  There are stories of women whose babies died because no one would offer these “traitors” even a glass of water.  Without adequate water, their breast milk dried up and the babies starved.

It’s heartbreaking to think that the lack of something as simple as fresh water, something you and I can so easily acquire, could mean starvation for a child too young to understand the injustice of it all.

But it’s still happening.  Only 27% of people in Northern Afghanistan have access to fresh drinking water.  That means almost three quarters of babies born there are either malnourished from the breastmilk of a mother who cannot get enough water or poisoned from the breastmilk of a mother drinking bacteria-laden water.  (see the World Health Organization stats here)

The tragedy is overwhelming.  And completely preventable.

Afghanistan American Friendship Foundation works to provide Afghan communities with clean water.  And they are doing a great job.  In 2012, AAFF dug 25 wells to provide a safe water source for over 12,500 people.

What does it take to provide wells for that many people?  It takes caring.  One ten dollar donation helps AAFF provide an entire family enough clean drinking water for life.  Life.  Ten dollars is roughly two packages of bottled water here in the US.  Or two cups of coffee at Starbucks.

What would happen if we all gave up just a little to make sure that everyone had enough?

It will save lives.  And to quote from Beasts of the Southern Wild, we absolutely must “take care of the things that are smaller and sweeter than [us].”

Click here to donate to change a life.

Click here to like their Facebook page and spread the word.

kids need water to grow

somebody knows how to use google translate. :)

a card from a sweet lady

i will save it for always.

we continue to adjust to newborn hood.  it’s true, we never realized what we were missing til we met her.    my uncle and aunt sent her a sweet book called “the night you were born.”  if you haven’t read it, get it.  it’s so sweet and special.

and it’s true for you too.

a good friend of mine told me that babies practice all the sounds of all the languages in the world in their first few months, and then they settle on the ones they hear most frequently.  so i’m giving her a good خ (kh) now and again, so hopefully that letter will be easier for her someday.
she’s also attending the french class i’m teaching at the homeschool co-op, which is fun.

in other, non-baby news, i walked 3 times this week, in preparation for in two weeks when i can start running again.  i’ve missed running.  i actually find walking a little harder than running in some ways.  it’s tough to go slow.  i always kind of feel like a boss when i run.

i’m dabbling back into work also, and it’s going okay.  the advocacy world doesn’t stop when you’re on maternity leave, so sometimes it’s a little overwhelming to pop in.  but i’m getting an assistant soon, and she’ll be helpful, i’m sure.

we have dear friends coming to visit this weekend and another set next weekend.  we’re so excited, we love visitors.  aaand, that also means play.  and we like to play.  a lot.